It's not fun to think about letting go of your personality but at the same time, it does seem like something we'll all be faced with doing at the end of our lives when we're too sick to be cured by the material things the world has to offer and we'll have no choice but to focus 100% on the otherworldly. I like to focus on it while I'm feeling well--kind of like preparing for a test a little bit each day instead of waiting until the last minute.
I wish I could ask someone to do it for me but I'm glad I don't have to dealwith anyone so this is the price I pay for not wanting to deal with people. I mean, if I had a perfect person to do this for me, they'd have to get my card, drive there, pick it up, drive back here, and drive back home and also there'd be talk time with me. It could take 1/2 hour to 1 hour of someone's time depending on how far they lived. And, most importantly, I'd have to deal with that person for 10-30 minutes and I don't want to deal with anyone--even 10 minutes with someone perfect!
John's mom asks, "How do you identify your race?” John says, “Say you’re pink” and I try not to laugh out loud. John actually sounds like he has a sense of humor similar to mine. I didn’t say he has a good sense of humor because I don’t judge my sense of humor as good and others’ as bad. They say that when you write, you should “show it” and not just say it and I think I’m showing very well here that people are my #1 distraction. By the way, John has to pick up Tyler today! It’s five minutes til 2 o’clock right now. I know this because John's mom just told him. They’re interacting now and I’m not sure what they’re talking about because I'm busy typing/reporting about how they’re a great distraction. I’ll try to listen better so I can report back to you, my invisible, future audience but they’ve stopped speaking again.
Cultivate self-awareness because it’s not humanly possible for anyone to care about you more than you, yourself.
Nothing much to report. The world keeps going on and on. Time seemingly passes. I don't know much more now than I knew then. I don't have the desires I once had for another even though it seems the world is geared towards coupledom. I find myself trying to figure out which is best for all and/or best for me until I realize that I don't have to figure out anything. I'm just here exploring that which is seemingly here and wondering why I used the word "just" at the beginning of this sentence.
In the third grade, I received an award for "Asking Questions". That teacher had me pegged. While other kids got awards for "holding my hand during recess" and "playing matchbox cars" (each kid in the class got an individual award), I was a philosopher even back then—a spacewoman jettisoning through the space of her cerebral matter wanting to know, to discover, to experience everything.